recently, I've been getting messages from an ex.
THE ex,.... my longest relationship ever. the most turbulent and self destructive to date.
from 20 years ago.
and like any relationship that you think you've ended cleanly and amicably,.... one day, out of the blue, you run into them in a dark alley way.
to be honest though, this wasnt the first time running into each other since we parted ways. he shows his face once in a while and I've been lucky enough to have a nice sharp blade in my back pocket every time.
after the initial shock wears off, the frantic reach for the trusty switchblade begins.
grab it, open blade, scream like a banshee and sink the knife right into his goddamned heart before he gets a chance to even say hello. a couple dozen thrusts later and I feel better.
it was survival. a necessary self defense. also though, there was nothing more satisfying than watching him bleed into the gutter and die,... again. until next time.
this photo malarkey though,... this search for something real to photograph in other people,...
it's a double-edged sword. a double-edged sword that at some point you will eventually have to turn around and point at your own jugular.
this time, maybe I was being suicidal or maybe I was just tired,... or maybe this photo malarkey has actually helped me grow,...
I still freaked out when we met again, I still reached for the switchblade,... but this time something stopped me, I paused and then just gave it to him. to old me,... expecting the worst.
but he just closed it back up,... threw it in the river,... and we sat down and had a nice long chat.
"it's time to come home," he said.
I know, I said.
"it'll be different this time, you're not me anymore," he said. "hell,... I'm not even me anymore."
"it's been 20 years,... I was getting tired of waiting for you to get your head together," he said.
you should have said, I said.
"I tried, but you wouldn't listen, and you kept getting better with that damn knife," he said.
I know, I'm sorry,... it became a habit,...
"no worries, no harm done, I'm not real anyways, haha." he said.
I know, I said.
it's time to head home,.... the bastard had been looking out for me all this time.