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on alone time

a while ago,...

her: how's your day been?

me: I spent the day alone,... I'm exhausted.

I hate when she falls asleep. 

You can only put off certain conversations for so long,... and when she falls asleep is when I have no choice but to talk to myself. 

Which has been often this year, because you know,.. fucking time zones,...

And myself is like that alcoholic friend everyone has,... they know they have a problem, they come talk to you about it, you think you've made them see the light so you part ways feeling good,... only to watch them walk straight into the nearest bar. 

And you can dodge their calls, say you're busy, but you know that you need to have that talk again. It stops being you trying to help them, but becomes you sorting your own shit out while you talk to them. It's addictive, you need that time together, with your other self. 

Some people call it alone time or being solitary. 

It doesn't feel like that to me. It's the noisiest time I know. 

But they are the best brainstorming partners you have, you go round in circles, start yelling "you hack!" at each other, coming together, then swearing at each other's unfathomable stupidity again,...

Ultimately either you or other you or other other you has an idea and the rest are just too exhausted or annoyed to care anymore,... 

And that's how things get done. In these parts at least anyway. 

I don't remember if I took my medication today.